Thursday, March 18, 2010

Appropriate

Recently, I spoke with a friend of mine that had endured a particularly difficult break up. She felt spent and devastated like no other time in her life. I encouraged her to not give up, to take the time to really live in this moment, to take it all in and learn from it. Mourn it, really mourn it, and move on. But she just couldn't get past it. She just wouldn't get past it. I reiterated that she simply had to move on....to give him the power was just not an option.

She told me of it being his birthday yesterday and how she ached from the loss. The inability to just wish him a happy birthday. I reminded her he wasn't worthy of her well wishes. That sometimes it's best that you don't have contact. That some people just can't be friends.

And then I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing this was good advice. For myself.

Twenty years ago, I was a somewhat naive, bright-eyed young girl getting married. I knew deep-down in my soul that this wasn't the right thing for either of us but we forged ahead, hoping for the best. And, of course, it didn't work out. And we wounded each other deeply. And we went on with our lives, licking our wounds in the shadows and covering them up with as much scar tissue as possible.

One year ago I was that same girl yet not so naive and definitely not as bright eyed. I'd given up, to a certain degree. And I chose to act inappropriately. To inflict pain and suffering on myself and others instead of facing the pain and suffering in my own life. But, in some wonderfully painful twist of fate, I was able to finally reclaim that bright-eyed young girl.

And yesterday I, too, was faced with the dull ache from that loss. That inability to say "hi, how ya doin', glad life is treating you well". But it was only when I was thrust backwards suddenly by a voice from my past that I was reminded just how important it is to cut ties with certain people. Whether good or bad, whether I was able to survive them or not, it's never worth it to revisit the past when the present is what I've spent my whole life fighting for.

1 comment:

  1. oh you have (and continue to) taught me so much from afar. if only i could lounge on your couch and sip wine and listen to it 24/7, i would be a much wiser person.

    thank you for putting your thoughts out here for the rest of us.

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