Saturday, May 30, 2009

Forgettable

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like ‘maybe we should just be friends’ or ‘how very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

~ Neil Gaiman

Yeah. What he said.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Forget

I was countin' notches
On my belt
You were countin' miles
'Til your last hell
We were too close in to forget
There's only so much
A girl can take
Only so much love
A man can fake
We were too close in to forget

And it was over before it started
Now we got no right to be brokenhearted
But at least we knew what we wanted
'Cause it was over before it started

I was going short
She was going long
Licking her wounds
Singing her song
We were too close in to forget
There's only so much
A beat up man can take

Only so many ohs
A girl can fake

And it was over before it started
Now we got no right to be brokenhearted
But at least we knew what we wanted
'Cause it was over before it started



Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Made

Shut. Up.










Thank you, again, Metro Express Car Wash.
Whatta thrill!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Metro

I am ridiculously proud to announce (and not even one little bit ashamed to boast) that my photography is being featured this week at the Metro Express Car Wash in downtown Boise.



If you are a fellow Boisean and happen to be downtown any time between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m., please be sure to take a look. Otherwise, you can always check out my gallery or shop. Keep track of news and events at Oranje's blog and, if you are on Facebook, become a fan!

Many, many thanks to those of you that have supported me throughout this process so far. I truly could not have done any of this without your encouragement (and you know who you are!).

Monday, May 25, 2009

In Your Pocket

Tap, tap, tap
Are you there
Entertain me.

Buzz, buzz, buzz
Come find me
Distract me.

You answered the phone
Took my message
Stole my heart.

Kissed me softly
Hugged me tight
Danced on my toes as my feet
Planted themselves
Firmly on the ground.

Raised me up
Tore me down
Left me with a mess we both made
A dream indomitably tucked away
In your pocket.

Now I wake
The whisper of good morning
In my ear
With the scent of lemons
On my breath.

Now I fall asleep
A movie of movement
Stuck on replay
The sound of trains
Echoing tribulation.

Tap, tap, tap
Compel me
Buzz, buzz, buzz
Beguile me

Silence.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Drown

I traded fame for love
Without a second thought
It all became a silly a game
Some things cannot be bought
I got exactly what I asked for
Wanted it so badly
Running, rushing back for more
I suffered fools so gladly
And now I find
I've changed my mind
The face of you
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you
My substitute for love



Monday, May 18, 2009

Barefoot

My wish for you is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination. That you find love in places that astound you. And that you have friends who call you "just because." I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes. That you play as hard as you work. And that you laugh more than you cry. I want you to set the bar high, but not too high. To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground. And to never, ever stop dreaming. But most of all I wish for your happiness.

And these dreams of mine are what started it all.

Besos,
The Universe


The Universe always knows just what to say to me when I'm doubting whether I can move forward.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Sheep Go To Heaven

My entire life, I have had a hard time spotting a wolf in sheep's clothing.


I am only able to see the potential in someone and not the reality of who and what someone truly is. That is why the results of this test came as absolutely no surprise to me.

"You are something of a drifter: honest with yourself in some situations, blind to reality in others. You may be taken in by manipulative, dishonest, or damaged people. Pay attention whenever this happens. Notice the circumstances and people that end up disappointing you, and steer clear of anything that feels similar."

Obviously I need my trust-o-meter recalibrated but the most disturbing part of this exercise was reading the Scientific Method. This statement rattled my cage more than anything.

"It's not the end of the world if Person X lies to you. Lying to yourself, on the other hand, can make your life so miserable, the end of the world might be a relief."

But, in reading "Learning to Trust Everyone and Everything", I realized I am on the right path. In training myself to accept everyone and everything which means trusting that if they have supported me they will continue to support me and if they've continually let me down they will continue to let me down, I am essentially letting go.

I'm starting to detect a theme.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Modern

One of my fave spots in the world (yes, the world, people) not only was a part of First Thursday but hosted this incredible event. It made me ridiculously proud to witness not only a stellar turnout but the people that showed up were interesting, friendly and not boring or po-dunk in any way, shape or form. Total validation that my city does not match the lousy reputation some people have given it.


This was a candid shot at the end of the evening. It not only was a wonderful evening out with the Hubs but totally and completely rekindled my love of all things art.

You can check out more photos here.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Birth

After reading yet another shining example of how talented my dear friend Deb is, it got me wondering exactly how long I'd been swimming around in this lovely blogging internet ether. Much to my surprise, it's been exactly two years.

Two years? Really?!

Yes, really. Two whole years. And that got me thinking even more about all that's transpired in my life in just two little measly years. New friendships, lost friendships, babies turning into children, lost babies, new love, lost love, reconnecting with family, losing touch with family, ....it's staggering to think of what has been packed into the past 733 days.

What really startled me was this statement: "I'm also planning a foray into the creative arts." I had no idea, at the time, what I was about to embark upon. I had this specific idea of what I was going to do, who I was going to be...funny how that works out.

But the best part? The best part is that where I'm at now, who I am now....it's exactly where and who I want to be. Where and who I am supposed to be.

I can't wait to see where I am in the next 733 days. Thanks for playing along with me.

**Ann, thank you again for urging me to follow my creative urges and kicking me in the ass when required. As always, you are the sister I always hoped for.**

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Magic

I woke up this morning in love with my life.

It's been a long time coming and I had to process and purge a lot of unsavory stuff. But I made it. And I believe in magic again.

This video captures my feelings at the moment.

Love Sex Magic from ho color on Vimeo.



I double-dog dare you not to shake your moneymaker to this one.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Let Go

Here in Cologne
I know I said it wrong
I walked you to the train
And back across alone
To my hotel room
And ordered me some food
And now I'm wondering why the floor has suddenly become a moving target

Four, three, two, one,
I'm letting you go
I will let go
If you will let go

Says here an astronaut
Put on a pair of diapers
Drove eighteen hours
To kill her boyfriend
And in my hotel room, I'm wondering
If you read that story too?
And if we both might
Be having the same imaginary conversation

Four, three, two, one,
I'm letting you go
I will let go
If you will let go

Weightless as I close my eyes
The ceiling opens in disguise

Such a painful trip
To find out this is it
And when I go to sleep
You'll be waking up

Four, three, two, one,
I'm letting you go
I will let go
If you will let go.




As you get older and gain more life experience, one of the most liberating and yet sometimes painful skills you gain is being able to let go. I've come to learn, especially over the past six months, that there are essentially two varieties of people: those that want to see you succeed at any cost and those that prefer to use you for their own self-gratification - setting you up to fail constantly in an effort to validate their own feeble lives. And, while seeing people for who they truly are and not the potential I see in them is a formidable task, it's ultimately easier to let them go so as to move on and better myself.

Four, three, two, one...

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Shiny and Strong

Go ahead and build your castle
Way up so high
That you have to cut yourself
A big hole in the sky
Make it all golden
And shiny and strong
Make it so it'll last forever
And won't ever do you wrong

And it'll make a sweet sound all around
It'll make a sweet sound when it all comes down

You know you'll never be the same
You know it's easy to lay the blame
At the altar of the temple
Of the excuses you've made
Until your smiles as thin as a razor blade

And if you want to know the reason
Why I don't mind
You'll have to come back some other time
All your explanations are made of sand
When you try to reach for the truth
It just slips through your hands

Tend to your garden growing there in the sun
Work your whole life away not having any fun
Cause all the plans you make'll just take you away
From the only time that you've been given today

Construct all your defenses the best way that you can
Until you've got steel skin like superman
Until the wall's so high you can see right through
Until the wall's so wide that love can't get to you

Monday, May 4, 2009

Over It

I stopped tryin' to write the things I don't like
And I started goin' back to where I'd been before
She said "I don't blame you I'd do the same"
Opportunity knocks knocks knocks open the door
But I think she saw through it
I see through myself
Another chance gone, won't get many more

But I'm not the only guy I know that
I'm not the only guy I know that
You never notice
The only guy I know, well I'm not the only guy I know
That you never notice

I stopped tryin' to write the things I don't like
And I started goin' back to where I'd been before
She said "I don't blame you I'd do the same"
Opportunity knocks knocks knocks open the door
But I think she saw through it
I see through myself
Another chance gone, won't get many more

But that's not the only lie I told you
That's not the only lie I told you
You never notice
The only lie I told you, that's not the only lie I told you
You never notice
The only lie I told you, that's not the only lie I told you
You never notice

I can tell you're in denial, get over it.




"The fact that I expect you to be there at my convenience, probably much to your mental anguish, makes me an asshole."

Thank you for this. It was just the wake-up call I needed.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Composed

It is always so gratifying to find that a musician you have great appreciation for is held in high regard by others. Especially others that you would never, ever expect. I became an instant fan of Ben Folds after I stumbled upon this album which ended up being a regular feature in the soundtrack of my life during a very transitional time. I return to it again and again, always finding new meaning in lyrics, the melody, the tone.

Then I read this and this and then watched this and I was newly inspired.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Extraordinary

She's an Extraordinary girl
In an ordinary world
And she cant seem to get away

He lacks the courage in his mind
Like a child left behind
Like a pet left in the rain

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She sees the mirror of herself
An image she wants to sell
To anyone willing to buy

He steals the image in her kiss
From her hearts apocalypse
From the one called whatsername

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
Some days it's not worth trying
Now that they both are finding
She gets so sick of crying

She's an Extraordinary girl.