Thursday, December 24, 2009

Believe

May your days be merry and bright.



Happiest of holidays to you all.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Home Sweet Home

Almost there....



In the process of moving. Let me tell you...moving during the holidays adds an element of stress that boggles the mind. But it's so worth it.

See you soon, love.

Friday, December 11, 2009

And The Deed Was Done

"There's a chapel in Minneapolis
Holds the bones of a dead saint in it
And the stain glass glows from the ceiling there
It reminds me of the feeling where I first looked into your eyes
And saw the most beautiful birds fly
Straight into the sun with their wings on fire
And the deed was done."
~ Bob Schneider, "Changing My Mind"



This song is on heavy rotation in my life. Not for the sentiment of lost love but for the powerful beauty and simplicity of accepting that what is, simply, is.

I've gone through a staggering whirlwind of changes over the past year. Only to find myself right back on the path I was originally on. But stronger and more sure of my life and identity than ever before.

This song embodies that sentiment for me. The overwhelming feeling of passion and love. The soft embrace of knowing myself and knowing exactly who I am, what I want and where I'm going.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Mystery

My new obsession.



(oh, how I love covers when they're done this way.)

Monday, November 30, 2009

Gathered Safely In

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love

Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love.


Friday, November 13, 2009

Happily

"Well if I spell it out
If i get it out
Will you hear me?
When I tell you about what I have to say
Before it gets too late
It's not as easy as they said it would be
But there’s something right about you and me
Something right about you and me
We're like good times that haven’t happened yet
but will.
I can tell you where we're gonna be
When the whole world falls into the sea
We'll be livin’ ever after
Happily."
~ Bob Schneider, "40 Dogs and Cigarettes (Like Romeo and Juliet)


Love is never an easy thing. Not real love.

There is no fairytale when it comes to loving someone. Sure, there's romance and tender moments but what I've learned is that true love, longlastingdowntoyourbonesTRUELOVE, is not easy.

But it's so, so worth it.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tough Girl

We took an impromptu stroll through the Idaho Botanical Gardens this Sunday and found so many hidden treasures amongst the recently expanded trails. While exploring the new childrens' gardens we stumbled upon a curious display.

After poking around, we realized there was an inscription on the crayon.




The First Grader asked what it said. I read it. She wondered who Bri was. I explained that she was a little girl that had been sick and died. Way too young. Then we spotted this...

The First Grader immediately grabbed a pencil and paper and wrote Bri a note. It read:
"Because of your courage, you are special." Then she drew a picture of herself and an angel and hearts all around.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wow.

Quite simply, just WOW.

Because of my good fortune in showing my work at the Flying M after John Padlo, I was able to not only admire his amazing work but meet him. It turns out he's not only a talented artist but also a kickass website designer.


Lucky, lucky me.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Change

What's so funny is nobody's laughing
at this change of heart you're having.

What's so funny is I'm filled up with thunder.
I can't seem to get out from under all these stones
you tied to my chest.

I can't change your mind.

What's so funny is I'm scared and lonely.
And I don't think I'm the only one
as I watch you drive away.

And what's so funny is the birds are singing.
The sun is shining and the bells are ringing.
And I'm thinking, "What happened here?"

And I can't change your mind.

There's a chapel in Minneapolis, holds the bones of a dead saint in it. And the stained glass glows from the ceiling there. It reminds me of the feeling when I first looked into your eyes, saw the most beautiful birds fly straight into the sun, with their wings on fire. The deed was done.

Oh, and I can't change your mind.

What's so funny is this piece of skin.
The one on my arm with your name inked in.
What was I thinking?

What's so funny is the way things go down.
Like when a star dies it doesn't make a sound,
it's just gone.
And you can't find it when you look into the sky.

I can't change your mind.
I can't change your mind.
I can't change your,
I can't change your mind.
I can't change your mind.
I can't change your mind.
I can't do it.

There's a werewolf out on my front lawn
and he's lookin' pissed off.
And he's wet from all the rain.
I think I'll go say hi.
And offer him a beer.

Bob Schneider - Changing My Mind

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Helen

Spotted during a stroll on Boise's beautiful greenbelt.


I only hope that my loved ones will remember me in such a simple and succinct way.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Huntin

Life is busy, busy and will only get busier and busier with the holidays approaching. Until I have something interesting to say, here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

I never tire of her smile.


Hers either.


Glad someone noticed the mamarazzi.


If ever a picture captured the essence of them, this is it.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Pash

Oh I love, love, love me some Ellen Page but, for me, Pash stole my heart in Whip It.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Age of Princesses and Pirate Ships

The Six Year Old has always had an innate love of music. It's fascinating to watch how certain music and songs, in particular, capture her attention. And heart.

Lately, Taylor Swift has been at the top of her Favorites list. And, I'm only too happy to indulge her.

Yesterday, I received notification that the "Fearless" cd had arrived at our library after requesting it months ago. We've been having a particularly difficult time lately, trying to get along as mother and daughter, so I was thrilled to know that I'd have something to surprise her with and, hopefully, bridge the chasm that has grown between us as we struggle to stand our respective ground.

I carefully placed the cd jewel case in her booster seat so that when she got into the car after school she would see her beloved Taylor. As I sat in the front seat, holding my breath in anticipation, I watched as she opened the door, picked up the cd, sat down and placed it in her lap.

Nothing. Silence.

"Aren't you excited about the cd?" I queried in total disappointment. "Of course!" she exploded, feigning disgust and rolling her eyes. I turned around, deflated, and pushed play on her favorite song.

Later that night, I listened to the cd, familiarizing myself with the songs, the lyrics, the melodies. While I realize she currently is a pop sensation, it became very clear to me why the Six Year Old was so taken. The lyrics are raw, unedited....honest. The melodies catchy but richly complicated. The sentiment is that of the human spirit.

This song, obviously, spoke to me on so many levels. As a friend. As a partner. As a daughter. As a mother. As a human being trying to connect and make my way. I hoped, as I listened to this earnest celebration of the mother/daughter bond, that I could find my way to be the mother, and the person, that I've always aspired to be.



I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Fight Like a Girl

These aren't Hollywood's smoke and mirror derby b*tches. These girls are the bonafide real deal.



As I've made mention before, I'm proud to know at least one of them. (you GO, Ruby!)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Blush

Gah.

Not only does the dress kill but she just glows like no other bride I've seen, in recent memory.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Move On

Learn to love yourself.

And move on.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Recognition

"She wears short skirts, I wear sneakers, she's cheer captain, and I wanna be her."

I turn around and offer to teach the First Grader how the lyrics really go. She nods yes, I begin to sing "She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers".

Silence. A brief spark in her eye then she says "hmmmm...that's nice mommy but I'm gonna sing it my way".

Stunned. Stinging. Recognition.

"That's good, baby. Always sing it your way, okay?"

She beams.

I turn back around to hide the tears welling up as she resumes belting it out.

Her way.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Spud

There are certain people in this world that are only too quick to declare that Boise is stupid.

To which I say...



SUCK IT.
(what the hell do they know, anyway)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bad Girl

It's no secret that Peggy is my favorite character on AMC's "Mad Men". She is a richly complicated woman - I identify with her seemingly meek demeanor and her relentless battle with her own strength. She is tragic and triumphant in nearly every scene and this last episode was no disappointment.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Conundrum

I love shitty people. They are usually quite attractive. And fun. And sexy. And exciting. And they trick me into believing I'm all those things. And more.

I love shitty things. They are usually quite attractive. And fun. And sexy. And exciting. And they trick me into believing I'm all those things. And more.

I love doing myself in. It usually makes me feel attractive. And fun. And sexy. And exciting. And it tricks me into believing I'm worth it all. And more

But guess what?

It doesn't. They don't. I'm not.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So Right

Drivin' home this evening
I coulda sworn we had it all worked out
You had this boy believin'
Way beyond the shadow of a doubt

Then I heard it on the street
I heard you mighta found somebody new
Well who is he baby - who is he
And tell me what he means to you

I took it all for granted
But how was I to know
That you'd be letting go

Now it cuts like a knife
But it feels so right
It cuts like a knife
But it feels so right

There's times Ive bin mistaken
There's times I thought I'd been misunderstood
So wait a minute darlin'
Can't you see we did the best we could

This wouldn't be the first time
Things have gone astray
Now you've thrown it all away

Now it cuts like a knife
But it feels so right
It cuts like a knife
But it feels so right.




Only one person in the entire world will understand this one. I love you, B.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Lights Out



(Alexa, I hope to gawd we don't see this on a Sears commercial. Oy.)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Un

To love means loving the unlovable.
To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable.
Faith means believing the unbelievable.
Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

~ G.K. Chesterton

(My eversolovely niece always inspires me. Thank you, J for this one.
It was very, very timely.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

From really far out in space,
do you know what you look like?


A star.


A super star.

Love you like crazy glue,
The Universe

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remember

Today I will do my best to be the person that I need to be and not the person that it's easiest to be.

Today I will do my best to focus on the fun. The funny. The beautiful.

The brevity.

Today I will do my best.

Today.

I will.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Overfired

I will not pretend
I will not put on a smile
I will not say I'm all right for you
When all I wanted was to be good
To do everything in truth.

~ Martha Wainwright

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Romeo and Juliet

well if I spell it out if i get it out will you hear me when I tell you about what I have to say before it gets to late its not as easy as I said it would be but there’s something right about u and me something right about u and me well you’re the color of a book you’re the color of a sideways look from an undercover cop you’re the color of the book. You’re the color storm in june of the moon you’re the color of the night that’s right color of a fight you move me you’re the color of the color part of the wizard of oz movie were like romeo and Juliet were like 40 dogs cigarettes well good times that haven’t happened yet but will i can tell you where were gonna be when the whole world fall to the sea we’ll be livin’ ever after and happily all the boys taking you for granted tell you what they want with their eyes all slanted. I don’t like the way they look at you . I don’t like the way they talk too. I don’t like the way they talk to you. I wouldn’t let them talk to you like that. put’um up high reach for the ceiling tell them to walk dammit im real’in it aint no crime its just dreams we’re stealing anything to get more of this feeling you take the high and ill take the low well get their before you know we aint got no time to waste we got too much light to taste were like romeo and Juliet and 40 dogs cigarettes with our good times that haven’t happened yet but will i can tell you where were gonna be when the whole world fall to the sea well be livin’ ever after and happily sometimes you remind me of a moonbeam on the ghost of a moonbeam out on the beach down by the coast slip into manila like the most beautiful thing ive ever seen come out tonight come out with me baby well throw the careful into the crazy turn the sky black into a sky blue turn the color shade into a hoo hoo what I say is true make fire gotta burn a few make fire gotta burn a few we can do what we want to do were like romeo and Juliet were like 40 dosgs cigaretts well good times that haven’t happened yet but will i can tell you where were gonna be when the whole world fall to the sea well be livin’ ever after and happily



Available today at iTunes.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Still the Same

His heart had caught cold
It's colder than is assumed
I dared a few poses
The girl was me.



(did I mention I adore Martha Wainwright? I do. I really, really do. And Martha singing Edith is just too much for me. Almost.)

Friday, September 4, 2009

Cage

There are days when the cage
Doesn't seem to open very wide at all
There are others that would shock
The most indiscriminate lovers of all
My heart was made for bleeding all over you

You've got a girlfriend and I can only
Talk about her for so very long
Then my mind turns into my heart
And whispers into that dark cave that I've been wronged

My heart was made for bleeding all over you
And I know you're married but I've got feelings too
But I still love you

You moved up North and got a farm house
There's cow shit in your brain and love in your heart
I'm in the city and I'm trapped between
Two buildings then having to start at the start

You've got a daughter, now you're a father
You have your pack and they are wild

My heart was made for bleeding all over you
And I know you're married but I've got feelings too
And I still love you
I still love you

I've got feelings too
And I still love you
Yes, I still love you.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Praise Be

This one goes out directly to my badass friend, Vani (aka, Ruby Ruckus), who (for me) will always be the original roller derby mama.

You rock it, Ruby. Hard.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Bingo

This is no newsflash to any of you that belong to the ranks of Tarantino fans (me, being one of the many) but he is an outright genius.


This movie is incredible. Just incredible. And please, dear Oscars Gods, please make sure Christoph Waltz receives an award for his venerable portrayal of Colonel Hans Landa.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Ray

Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder
Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun
She's got herself a universe gone quickly
For the call of thunder threatens everyone

Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of heaven
Waiting for the time when earth shall be as one

And I feel
Quicker than a ray of light
Then gone for
Someone else shall be there
Through the endless years

She's got herself a universe

And I feel
And I feel
And I feel like I just got home
And I feel

Quicker than a ray of light she's flying
Quicker than a ray of light I'm flying




A little funk for your Friday. I watched a live rendition of this by Natasha Bedingfield on the Today Show and not only did it blow my socks off but it reminded me how powerful this song is and how powerful it makes me feel.

Happy Weekending!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Warning

This is a photo of mine that consistently gets a strong response. Local residents marvel that it is one of the guard towers at the Old Idaho Penitentiary near the lustrous Idaho Botanical Garden.


I've thought a lot, recently, about the warning signs in my own life. It is a consistent fact that I always, always see the forest for the trees but choose to take the easy way out. The less confrontational way out.

But not any more.

For those of you who do not think highly of me, that consider me troubled (with a warped sense of the world against me), that consider me manipulative and hiding behind others (like my parents or other family members), that think of me as wild and impetuous (not like those ruled by the moon who are shy and sensitive) I give you a final warning. If you think so poorly of me and yet choose to sit in silence while you read my blog on a regular basis, I suggest you stay away. The fact that you choose to judge and keep tabs on me says far more about your character than mine. If you took the time to be in contact with me, out in the open, you'd find I'm just fine. Better than fine. And maybe even someone you'd enjoy having in your life.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Nie

Dear Nie,

You don't know me and, technically, I don't know you. But you have touched me and reminded me on a near daily basis how fortunate I am to have all that I have in my life. You will never read this but I just had to go on record as saying you inspire me. You are other-worldly. And, most important of all, you are BEAUTIFUL.

So very brave and beautiful.

I am so grateful for all that I have in my life but today, you reminded me, how grateful I am that you were not taken in that horrible plane crash.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Launch

Last Fall, I learned of the terrible news of Stephanie and Christian Nielson's plane crash that killed the pilot, Doug Kinneard, and left them in critical condition. The story of their life together and their four beautiful children was enough to reduce me to a puddle of tears. It also inspired me to remember just how lucky I am, how lucky we all are, and never to get caught up in the trivial minutiae of our brief lives.

Over the past six months (or so), my life has experienced its own series of bumps, crashes and head-on collisions. It's been more than challenging to remain focused and to stay the course. Trying to live in the most honest and truthful of ways. As we all know, it's never easy. But the part that is easy, I'm finding, is the part where you love. Unconditionally.

Thanks to Nie's sister, Courtney, and her devoted and inspiring blog I have been able to be reminded on a continual basis of what is important, what is worth the fight and what is worth letting go.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Scream

While in the Emerald City this past week (shout out to all my peeps that made the effort to hang with me!), I spied this commercial not nearly enough times. I dare you, no, I double-dog dare you not to play it more than three times. I couldn't.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Little Girl


Dear Little Girl,

I want to wish you the happiest of birthdays.
I want you to know just how loved you are.
By me.

All of the people that don't believe in you, that try to take the best of your bright spark, that tell you they love you and leave you in their dust, that promise you the world and leave you wanting...know that they've only made you stronger.
Brighter.
More beautiful.

Happy Birthday, Little Girl.
I will never forget you.
I will love you.
Always.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Eve

Sweet love
Standing at my gate
It sure
Would feel good
To feel good again
Oh my sweet love

You say
That you need me
You'll always
Believe me
Oh, my sweet love
That our love
Is forever
We'll always
Be together
Oh, my sweet love

You say
You'll always
Come through
There's nothing
That you won’t do
Oh, my sweet love
But I've heard it
All before
I can't beg you
Anymore
Oh, my sweet love

You're the woman
Who knows exactly
What she's doing
You're the girl
Who ate
The apple
Off the tree
When you're good
You're just crazy
When you're bad
You're too much

You say
You'd never hurt me
You'll never
Desert me
Oh my sweet love
That your words
Are always true
I can depend on you
Oh, my sweet love

When you get
In the wind
And all the storms
Begin
Oh my sweet love
When you're sad
And dismantled
And all
Your senses rattled
Oh my sweet love

You're the woman
Who knows exactly
What she's doing
You're the girl
Who ate
The apple
Off the tree
When you're good
You're just crazy
When you're bad
You're too much

Sweet love
Standing at my gate
It sure
Would feel good
To feel good again
Oh, my sweet love

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Power and Grace

This needs no introduction or explanation.



This will be burned on my memory forever. While I was only an outsider looking in while she battled her illness, it reminded me of my sister-in-law's power and grace and how she is missed, so much, every single second of every single day.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Yes.

Yes, Yes, Yes! A million, zillion times.....YES.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Rosemary

Who knows your birthday
Who knows your number
Who knows your color
Who knows your hands
Who knows the sum
The sum of all your parts

Who knows your limit
Who knows your highest
Who knows your lowest
Who knows your in
Who knows that bottom
The bottom of your heart

Hold on hold on
Keep holding on to me
I will love you from the bottom
No one holds you better than me
Hold on hold on
Doing the best we can
I will love you on your birthday
I will love you better than them

Who knows the reason
Who knows the cure
Who knows the answer
Who knows the cause
Who knows the pain
The pain when we're apart

Hold on hold on
Keep holding on to me
I will love you from the bottom
No one holds you better than me
Hold on hold on
Doing the best we can
I will love you on your birthday
I will love you better than them.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I Am Woman

When reading this post from my eversofab niece, it got me thinking about my all-time favorite movie and scene by Sophia Loren. Her unabashed womanliness in this scene....those hips, those thighs, flipping her hair with total abandon. It made me realize how wonderful it is to be a woman and that it's absolutely nothing to ever be ashamed of.



Get thee quick to Netflix and watch this film at least twice. You won't be able to get enough of the inimitable Sophia, the dashing Clark and the precocious Marietto. Buono!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Price

"It really is laughable, when you think of it
I just have to laugh at what a joke it is
That I got wrapped up in ____
____'s ambiguity
And just the ridiculousness
Of it all."
~ Nobody's Girl chatting with a trusted friend, realizing the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Second Best

I don't know when to start or when to stop
My luck's like a button
I can't stop pushing it
My head feels light
But I'm still in the dark
Seems like without tenderness there's something missing
Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness
Where is it?

I don't know where I am but I know I don't like it
I open my mouth and out pops something spiteful
Words are so cheap, but they can turn out expensive
Words like conviction can turn into a sentence

I held your hands
Rings but none on that finger
We danced and danced
But I was scared to go much further with it
Just half a chance
Make sure that one night you're here,
But next night you're not
It always leaves me searching for a little

Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness?

Whistling in the graveyard
Calling up your girlfriend
Just trying to make her understand
You're squeezing the telephone like it was her hand
No question (so many questions)
She's going to catch you out boy
It all seems so underhand
Now she's the only thing that ever made you feel like a man, man
Madman, madman

Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness
Tenderness
Tenderness
Where is it?

I held your hands
Rings but none on that finger
We danced and danced
But I was scared to go much further with it
Just half a chance
Make sure that one night you're here,
But next night you're not
It always leaves me searching for a little

Tenderness
Where is the
Tenderness?

I'm just sick to death of second best, pet
Why should the morning always find you unimpressed?
Is your love like a button?
You can't stop pushing it?
Oh this all night longing can be such a long time.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Go

No more lying friends
Wanting tragic ends
Though they do pretend
They won't go when I go

All those bleeding hearts
With sorrows to impart
Were right here from the start
And they won't go when I go

And I'll go where I've longed
To go so long
Away from tears

Gone from painful cries
Away from saddened eyes
Along with him I'll bide
Because they won't go when I go

Big men feeling small
Weak ones standing tall
I will watch them fall
They won't go when I go

And I'll go where I've longed
To go so long
Away from tears

Unclean minds mislead the pure
The innocent will leave for sure
For them there is a resting place
People sinning just for fun
They will never see the sun
For they can never show their faces
There ain't no room for the hopeless sinner
Who will take more than he will give
He ain't hardly gonna give

The greed of man will be
Far away from me
And my soul will be free
They won't go when I go

Since my soul conceived
All that I believe
The kingdom I will see
'Cause they won't go when I go

When I go
Where I'll go
No one can keep me
From my destiny.


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Wasted

"I have wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you - kisses that I thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your color and life. I used to think that was the real you, when you smiled. But now I know you don't mean any of it.
Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight."

~ Faye in That Thing You Do!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Double Time

When watching VH1 Classic's broadcast of the US Festival, I realized what a watered-down version of myself I have become. I longed for the days of having no time for people that were a waste of my time and, instead, pouring myself into a culture that thrilled and excited me.



I realize motherhood can change you and I'm grateful for the changes I've gone through as a result. But, as with most relationships, you tend to lose a big part of yourself in that process. After watching this blast from the past, I decided to find that girl again. Surely, she's not gone forever?

Friday, July 3, 2009

River Deep, Mountain High

Off to the mountains we go for sun, sand and fireworks.
Hope your Independence Day is a happy and safe one!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

I Stand Alone

I read your book
And I find it strange
That I know that girl and I know her world
A little too well
And I didn't know
By giving my hand
That I would be written down, sliced around
Passed down among strangers' hands

Three days in Rome
Where do we go
I'll always remember
Three days in Rome

Never again
Would I see your face
You carry a pen and a paper
And no time and no words you waste
Oh, you're a voyeur
The worst kind of thief
To take what happened to us
To write down everything
That went on between you and me

Three days in Rome
And I stand alone
I'll always remember
Three days in Rome

And what do I get
Do I get revenge?
While you lay it all out
Without any doubt
Of how this would end
Sometimes it goes
And sometimes we come
To learn by mistake
That the love you once made
Can't be undone

Three days in Rome
I laid my heart out
I laid my soul down alone
I'll always remember
Three days in Rome





I've not spent three days in Rome but I did spend three days in a place that feels like home to me and have paid the price ever since. Dearly. As with dropping a stone in a pond, it's not necessarily the initial disturbance of all things seemingly peaceful but the ripples that continue on and spread out.

I've found the search for living in the truth is not an easy road in any way, shape or form. And people get hurt. And, if you put too much trust in them, you pay the ultimate price. Losing yourself.

I have enabled so many people in my life. Many, many people and their issues. Their baggage. Their bad behaviors. I've done so in the hopes of helping them reach higher ground. Find happiness in themselves and, in doing so, share happiness with me. This has not happened.

But I see now, more clearly than I've ever seen it in my forty years, that no one is worthy of me having to pay that price. No One. And I will never, EVER pay that price for anyone again.

It only seems fitting on this Independence Day, that I will reclaim my independence. That I will no longer entertain those that have their own agendas, most often at the expense of others. My expense.

I am taking a stand.

Alone.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Histoire

All I can say about this, is that I've always loved Edith Piaf and I've become such a fan-extraordinaire of Martha Wainwright that when I happened upon this performance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, I just about passed out from sheer bliss.



(And her shoes! Can we just talk about the shoes for a sec?! Oy.)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Grow

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers 'Grow....grow.' "
~ The Talmud



I love you, Angel. I know you're out there.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tell All

Get out of bed, pick up the phone
Time to tell the press
Say to myself, I can't do no-one else
There's a whole world outside
I'm gonna tell it all
I'm gonna sell it all
I'm gonna sell
Get out of bed
Come out and sing
Blue skies ahead
The man who told everything
And I feel, like I'm losing my head
I didn't mean to stay
Lives have been wrecked, and I've picked up my cheque
Catch a plane out of here
I'm gonna get out of here
I'm gonna get out of here
I'm gonna sell
Get out of bed
Come out and sing
Blue skies ahead
The man who told everything

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Doves

Currently on heavy, heavy rotation.



There's just something about a song that sounds like a train.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Fright

Seriously, people. If this does not make you simultaneously guffaw and have nightmares, I just don't know what will.

Photobucket Image Hosting

Monday, June 8, 2009

Love is a Verb

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Nine night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Stumbling a little
Stumbling a little.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Again

We've all seen it before but let's watch it again, shall we?


I doubledogdare you not to smile while watching this. (and wishing you could do this routine on the treadmill as well)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Vanity

Please excuse me while I try to squeeze my big, fat head through the doorway....


Courtesy of Kevin Wilson
(please contact me if you want his information
as he has no online gallery set up yet)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Herd

While I do not judge those that adore the Jonas Brothers, I have never been able to join the herd.

Until today....



Clearly the song is too long for dear, sweet Joe. He may need to watch some of the pros do it.

Case in point:




My niece, doin' her thang.


And, of course, the original.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Forgettable

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like ‘maybe we should just be friends’ or ‘how very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

~ Neil Gaiman

Yeah. What he said.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Forget

I was countin' notches
On my belt
You were countin' miles
'Til your last hell
We were too close in to forget
There's only so much
A girl can take
Only so much love
A man can fake
We were too close in to forget

And it was over before it started
Now we got no right to be brokenhearted
But at least we knew what we wanted
'Cause it was over before it started

I was going short
She was going long
Licking her wounds
Singing her song
We were too close in to forget
There's only so much
A beat up man can take

Only so many ohs
A girl can fake

And it was over before it started
Now we got no right to be brokenhearted
But at least we knew what we wanted
'Cause it was over before it started



Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Made

Shut. Up.










Thank you, again, Metro Express Car Wash.
Whatta thrill!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Metro

I am ridiculously proud to announce (and not even one little bit ashamed to boast) that my photography is being featured this week at the Metro Express Car Wash in downtown Boise.



If you are a fellow Boisean and happen to be downtown any time between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m., please be sure to take a look. Otherwise, you can always check out my gallery or shop. Keep track of news and events at Oranje's blog and, if you are on Facebook, become a fan!

Many, many thanks to those of you that have supported me throughout this process so far. I truly could not have done any of this without your encouragement (and you know who you are!).

Monday, May 25, 2009

In Your Pocket

Tap, tap, tap
Are you there
Entertain me.

Buzz, buzz, buzz
Come find me
Distract me.

You answered the phone
Took my message
Stole my heart.

Kissed me softly
Hugged me tight
Danced on my toes as my feet
Planted themselves
Firmly on the ground.

Raised me up
Tore me down
Left me with a mess we both made
A dream indomitably tucked away
In your pocket.

Now I wake
The whisper of good morning
In my ear
With the scent of lemons
On my breath.

Now I fall asleep
A movie of movement
Stuck on replay
The sound of trains
Echoing tribulation.

Tap, tap, tap
Compel me
Buzz, buzz, buzz
Beguile me

Silence.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Drown

I traded fame for love
Without a second thought
It all became a silly a game
Some things cannot be bought
I got exactly what I asked for
Wanted it so badly
Running, rushing back for more
I suffered fools so gladly
And now I find
I've changed my mind
The face of you
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you
My substitute for love



Monday, May 18, 2009

Barefoot

My wish for you is that you succeed beyond your wildest imagination. That you find love in places that astound you. And that you have friends who call you "just because." I dream that you go barefoot more than you wear shoes. That you play as hard as you work. And that you laugh more than you cry. I want you to set the bar high, but not too high. To reach for the stars, but with your toes on the ground. And to never, ever stop dreaming. But most of all I wish for your happiness.

And these dreams of mine are what started it all.

Besos,
The Universe


The Universe always knows just what to say to me when I'm doubting whether I can move forward.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Sheep Go To Heaven

My entire life, I have had a hard time spotting a wolf in sheep's clothing.


I am only able to see the potential in someone and not the reality of who and what someone truly is. That is why the results of this test came as absolutely no surprise to me.

"You are something of a drifter: honest with yourself in some situations, blind to reality in others. You may be taken in by manipulative, dishonest, or damaged people. Pay attention whenever this happens. Notice the circumstances and people that end up disappointing you, and steer clear of anything that feels similar."

Obviously I need my trust-o-meter recalibrated but the most disturbing part of this exercise was reading the Scientific Method. This statement rattled my cage more than anything.

"It's not the end of the world if Person X lies to you. Lying to yourself, on the other hand, can make your life so miserable, the end of the world might be a relief."

But, in reading "Learning to Trust Everyone and Everything", I realized I am on the right path. In training myself to accept everyone and everything which means trusting that if they have supported me they will continue to support me and if they've continually let me down they will continue to let me down, I am essentially letting go.

I'm starting to detect a theme.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Modern

One of my fave spots in the world (yes, the world, people) not only was a part of First Thursday but hosted this incredible event. It made me ridiculously proud to witness not only a stellar turnout but the people that showed up were interesting, friendly and not boring or po-dunk in any way, shape or form. Total validation that my city does not match the lousy reputation some people have given it.


This was a candid shot at the end of the evening. It not only was a wonderful evening out with the Hubs but totally and completely rekindled my love of all things art.

You can check out more photos here.