The Final Frontier

"Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.
Her five year mission: to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life
and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before."
~ Star Trek opening monologue



Sounds silly, I know, but it seems to describe my life over the past few years. I've traversed ground I never expected to have to navigate. And when I thought I'd found steady ground and regained my footing, I managed to hit uncharted territory again.

And that's good.

It proved to me what I've always known...I can handle it.

So, as my life continues to evolve and change shape I will continue to document it. But not here. This place holds too many old memories, too many records of painful times, too many reminders of experiences put to rest.

I don't believe in regrets. I wouldn't change a thing in my life. And that is why I won't delete this blog.

But life moves on. And so will I.

The era of Nobody's Girl is over and done. On to the new frontier.

Doesn't Really Feel Like Christmas At All

"Trying to right a wrong
Just walk away
Those windows say
But I can't believe she's gone

When you're still waiting for the snow to fall
Doesn't really feel like Christmas at all"

~ "Christmas Lights", Coldplay 



I'll forever regret the time I didn't invest in you. I'll forever regret not being the friend and cousin you deserved.

I'll never forget you.
 

Old Rag

"But she's just one more rag now he's dragging behind him"



~ "The Curse", Josh Ritter

Art

This scene is one of the many (all?) scenes in this film that moved me beyond repair.



I have always believed Colin Firth to be one of those artists that doesn't do what he does because he wants to but rather because, quite simply, he must. And this scene proves it.

I could watch this movie every single day. The yumminess of it is beyond words, the tragedy beyond heartbreaking, the styling and cinematography sublime, the thoughtfulness of every scene like a comforting dip in a pool late at night. 

(And, seriously folks, how cool is it that Jon Hamm is the voice of "Hank Ackerley"? Love it.)

Summer's End

What a summer it has been. A new family member, a new home, new friends, new way of life.

We were lucky enough to be able to spend ten days in the most beautiful place on earth. Home.  One morning, while the kids were still sleeping, I was able to capture just a smidgeon of the early morning sunshine that streams in through the windows with my phone. So many summers of my life have been spent waking up to this sunshine. The only thing keeping me from feeling sad about summer ending is knowing this sunshine will be there next year.

Happy weekend.

Lifeline

He has this funny habit of always grabbing on to my necklace when I pull him away from my body. At first I thought it was just a fluke but then noticed he does it. Every single time.

There's no way I could anticipate how his presence would change our lives. Would change me. I thought my first child was the one that saved my life (and she did) but now I realize they all have. One little step at a time.

He adores his sisters and they adore him...almost to the point of frustration at times. But then we have these little moments of tenderness and I realize....we're tethered. And at the end of a long day of bickering children or nothing getting tackled on the To Do List or long nights without sleep or whatever endless list of challenges to be faced....I realize they are my lifeline.

Blue

"I've got a mad proposition
Put your heart on the line
Take it out of its shell
And I’ll give you mine

We'll ease into space
It's something to do
Come with me
We'll always be blue

We can start over
It's never too late
We get a second chance
Everyday

We'll ease into space
It's something to do
Come with me
We'll always be blue"
          ~ "Blue" Bob Schneider 


His presence is a constant reminder of just how fortunate I am. Just how amazing this life can be. That love is something we do, not something we have.

I love you, Rhys Vincent. I always, always will.